new touchstone ( CORRECTION PAPER)
For this essay, you will select one of the articles provided below and engage in a 2-3 page summary and response dialogue with the source. This will involve providing a detailed summary of the source’s argument and responding to that argument with your position based on the information provided in the source.
Surname 1
Name:
Course: English Composition II
Date:
Article Summary
It has always been the interest of Houston Independent School District to ensure efficient management of food operations in school. For schools to get access to nutritious and health approved meals is not an easy feat. Having a meal that satisfies both sides; winning student acceptability as well as meeting the nutritional standards is a bit engaging for the involved parties. It is after parents came forward to complain about sugar levels in their childrens meals in Houston ISDs school that the issue commanded the required attention. Several school districts joined in a program dubbed National School Lunch and School Breakfast Program. The main objective of the plan was to ensure limit in saturated fats, calories, synthetic trans-fat and sodium. Comment by Crystal: As written, this sentence is grammatically incorrect. I am not able to correct all of your grammatical or spelling errors but I will call them to your attention when I see them. I will provide a suggested correction for this sentence, however: It is not an easy feat for schools to obtain access to meals that have been approved for nutrition and health. Comment by Crystal: Grammatically incorrect. Comment by Crystal: Plural needed.
The 2010 Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act that umbrellas United States Department of Agriculture provided the nutritional standards. Initially, meat and its alternates were not included in the standardized diet. There were challenges in regulating sugar levels due to the existence of natural and added sugar. Other problems included providing a balanced meal for every student and a continuous supply of fruits. However, the challenges were addressed with the introduction of offer vs serve method to curb on wastage; removal of unnecessary additives; increasing fruit intake and considering meat and its alternates. USDA provided a platform for parents to be involved in deciding what to include and eliminate the diet of students. New labelling was among the proposals for food industries to embrace in the attempt of meeting the set standards. Comment by Crystal: This is unclear. Comment by Crystal: This is unclear. Comment by Crystal: This sentence is grammatically incorrect.
Response
I do support the initiative by USDA in providing a balanced diet in school districts in the attempt to control sugar level. It is at school that this uniformity can be achieved primarily for students who miss out on breakfast at home. The National School Lunch and Breakfast Program was also a better way to cater for the less privileged students who had a hard time getting the required nutritional standards in the provided meals. Having healthy students will not only boost their physical activity but overall performance even in class (pp.4). Childhood obesity if allowed to progress to adulthood, may be difficult to mitigate (pp.3). Therefore, through the teamwork of parents and those involved in the program to ensure that nutritional standards of meals have adhered to the latter. Also, for the efficacy of the food program, regular analysis of the offered meal about the required standards should be done. Food Research and Action Center do stress the importance of breakfast as a meal for starting a day. Distinguishing between natural and added sugar and also labelling can have a significant impact on checking sugar levels (pp.11). USDA working together with parents could devise means of overcoming hurdles that prevent meeting targets. Comment by Crystal: Plural needed. Comment by Crystal: What uniformity? Comment by Crystal: Grammatical error. Comment by Crystal: Grammatically incorrect. Comment by Crystal: This is grammatically incorrect.
Reflection
The first perspective that I acquired on reading the article was a body of people and parents working together to limit students from enjoying their meals at school. Controlling sugar level at first appeared like making meals less sweet and providing the ones approved by dieticians. On understanding the article together with aim and flexibility of the program to reduce childhood obesity, I subscribed to the school of thought. Not only was nutritional standards being met but also the gap for the less privileged families was eliminated. Paying attention to the manner, one response to a source helps in developing arguments and evidence. If one can backup claims stated with evidence from the source, it helps in structuring opinion for the topic at hand. Comment by Crystal: Was this their desire? . Comment by Crystal: This is grammatically incorrect and I do not understand what gap was eliminated for less privileged families. Comment by Crystal: Grammatically incorrect.
Works cited
Lengyel et al. “Sugar In School Breakfasts: A School District’s Perspective,” Journal of Applied Research on Children: Informing Policy for Children at Risk: Vol. 6: Iss. 2. Article 7. (2015): 1-11.
ADDITIONAL FEEDBACK USING THE RUBRIC:
SOURCE SUMMARY..You provided an adequate summary but I had difficulty following your logic because of the grammatical errors. Also, more source quotations would have helped. You earned 13 of 15 points.
SOURCE RESPONSEYou did a good job constructing a thoughtful response. However, I could not determine the meaning of a few sentences. Your in-text-citations were good and enhanced the academically appropriate response to the source. You earned 14 of 15 points.
ORGANIZATIONYou included most of the required components of a summary and response essay. However, there was no clear Introduction or Conclusion. You earned 4 of 5 points.
STYLEThe style of writing was not effective due to the presence of imprecise language, poor word choices and improper sentence structures. These errors detracted from the quality of your essay. You earned 3 of 5 points.
CONVENTIONSThere were consistent errors in grammar and spelling. You earned 3 of 5 points.
REFLECTIONYour reflection was thoughtful but it was lacking in details and insight. You earned 3 of 5 points.
OVERALL SCORE..40/50
FEEDBACKI enjoyed reading your Touchstone but had to grade it according to the rubric. Please see the comments already provided. I hope these comments will facilitate improvement in your writing. I wish you all the best!
